A New Story #1

Well, today I am awake. I slept ok, had dreams, but don’t remember them. I am able to recognize some anxiety thoughts and stop myself from thinking them.

Today I feel fairly calm and peaceful. I like relaxing on my bed before I start my day, because it gives me a chance to collect myself and wake up before I start the rush of the day. I like being comfortable-I think most humans do, and maybe animals. I know my dog likes being comfy; he stretches himself on the couch, or likes to sleep upside down, like a dog! I do love my dog, a lot.

I have coffee in the cupboard and this new almond milk caramel creamer thing. It’s pretty tasty, though I prefer adding in my own sugar to my coffee and not drinking it in the creamer. I think next week I will find the coconut milk creamer and try it. It is good to live in a place where I have those choices.

I think it is good to take a few minutes each day to write down some good thoughts. Maybe I can try tonight too, again, and see!

What Do I Want Daily: 2-7-18

I want to earn enough money to be able to leave my parents’ house. I want to go and travel, then settle down to live with my beloved. I want to have a life of my own. I want to have an apartment or place of my own where I can set up altars and pray and live life the way I wish. I want life to be better and to continue to improve, where I can feel good. I want a life where I can be wrapped up in Sam’s love whenever I want.

I want a place with a small garden, even if I only have a few plants in pots to start. I think it would be good to be able to grown basil and rosemary and thyme and sage, for chicken, or to create herb bundles, to begin with. Later on, I want to grow things like tomatos and carrots and lettuce, and enjoy having these tasty vegetables that I love to eat fresh whenever I want! I think that would be great and tasty.

I want life to be good and to get better in regards to friendships. I want a specific person but I think going general about why I want him would be best. I want to feel that warm, cozy connectedness again, and to learn about new places and new cultures. I want to have fun, and companionship, and closeness! I can appreciate the contrast I’ve suffered,mas it has allowed me to refune what I want.

I want to believe I am worthy of good things and that I can do whatever it takes to have me be able to achieve my dreams. I have dreams. I want to believe I am worth of accomplishing them.

Guidance Scale Work #8: Money

Ugh, why do we have to go through with jobs, anyway? I remember being bored at work a lot with nothing to do except read Project Gutenberg. I mean, I did find some great stuff there though. But damn, I wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment.

Maybe there are others out there that feel the same as me. That’d be nice if I could find them.

Guidance Scale Work #9: Money

Pffft.

Money.

It’s such a stupid thing to have or to want to get, isn’t it. It’s just a stupid thing, that we assign all sorts of deep, meaningful value to it.

Here’s an idea: Why don’t people pay me? Rich people, with money to spare, pay me for a change? Lots and lots of money, so I don’t have to grub and slave for it. That’s a novel goddamn concept, isn’t it, where I am paid, for a change?

Ugh.

Guidance Scale Work #10: Money

It’s the most frustrating thing in the world. I apply to jobs, I get ghosted. I want to go out and write and do things but no, my brain is like “nah let’s go play and have fun instead”. No, brain, you’re keeping me nailed to the floor here. Don’t you get it? I deserve more than this. With all the stuff I’ve been doing, I know I do, but so far the money isn’t coming in yet. I want it to come in. It needs to come in. It has got to come in. Why isn’t it coming in? I need to keep doing more and doing more, and doing more, and doing more! I have got to do it! The money needs to flow!

Guidance Scale Work #11: Money

Just thinking about what I have to do to get a business is enough to exhaust me.

-Must write articles to publish on Medium. Not just any kinds of articles, they have to be the right kind. Researched through sites to find out if they’re even the type to get shares and applause, then spend the time to write them and proofread them.
-Update website, to make sure it accurately lists the services I provide, and ways for them to get in touch with me
-Create a list of 200-400 prospects by getting the correct co tact at a company, then name, email, website.
-Pitch 5 of them each day for a month with a witty,  lever, creatively written pitch that tells them everything about me, what I provide, and how I can help them
-Pray at least a few of them reach out to me
-While I wait for responses, troll the job boards and do the same pitch type thing for them.
-Pray they respond to and choose me and not the other person
-If I get any responses; create the content for the client
-Get paid
-Go back to marketing myself, and make sure I don’t slack on that.

God thinking about it stresses me out. But I must do it.

Guidance Scale Work #12: Money

I’ve been through a lot of disappointment in my short life on this planet.
My parents, let me down by not teaching me proper financial management.
I let myself down by choosing to play and have fun instead of hustling my arse or applying to work.
Society let me down by filling our heads with lies about why we should go to college, and go into debt, to compete for jobs that are vanishing.
The universe, let me down, by refusing to give me opportunities right then when I wanted them instead of 2 weeks from then when the situation has gotten worse.
I am supposed to be living life, instead of waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for opportunities.
Life can suck.