Ugh, why do we have to go through with jobs, anyway? I remember being bored at work a lot with nothing to do except read Project Gutenberg. I mean, I did find some great stuff there though. But damn, I wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment.
Maybe there are others out there that feel the same as me. That’d be nice if I could find them.
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #9: Money
Pffft.
Money.
It’s such a stupid thing to have or to want to get, isn’t it. It’s just a stupid thing, that we assign all sorts of deep, meaningful value to it.
Here’s an idea: Why don’t people pay me? Rich people, with money to spare, pay me for a change? Lots and lots of money, so I don’t have to grub and slave for it. That’s a novel goddamn concept, isn’t it, where I am paid, for a change?
Ugh.
Money.
It’s such a stupid thing to have or to want to get, isn’t it. It’s just a stupid thing, that we assign all sorts of deep, meaningful value to it.
Here’s an idea: Why don’t people pay me? Rich people, with money to spare, pay me for a change? Lots and lots of money, so I don’t have to grub and slave for it. That’s a novel goddamn concept, isn’t it, where I am paid, for a change?
Ugh.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #10: Money
It’s the most frustrating thing in the world. I apply to jobs, I get ghosted. I want to go out and write and do things but no, my brain is like “nah let’s go play and have fun instead”. No, brain, you’re keeping me nailed to the floor here. Don’t you get it? I deserve more than this. With all the stuff I’ve been doing, I know I do, but so far the money isn’t coming in yet. I want it to come in. It needs to come in. It has got to come in. Why isn’t it coming in? I need to keep doing more and doing more, and doing more, and doing more! I have got to do it! The money needs to flow!
Monday, January 22, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #11: Money
Just thinking about what I have to do to get a business is enough to exhaust me.
-Must write articles to publish on Medium. Not just any kinds of articles, they have to be the right kind. Researched through sites to find out if they’re even the type to get shares and applause, then spend the time to write them and proofread them.
-Update website, to make sure it accurately lists the services I provide, and ways for them to get in touch with me
-Create a list of 200-400 prospects by getting the correct co tact at a company, then name, email, website.
-Pitch 5 of them each day for a month with a witty, lever, creatively written pitch that tells them everything about me, what I provide, and how I can help them
-Pray at least a few of them reach out to me
-While I wait for responses, troll the job boards and do the same pitch type thing for them.
-Pray they respond to and choose me and not the other person
-If I get any responses; create the content for the client
-Get paid
-Go back to marketing myself, and make sure I don’t slack on that.
God thinking about it stresses me out. But I must do it.
-Must write articles to publish on Medium. Not just any kinds of articles, they have to be the right kind. Researched through sites to find out if they’re even the type to get shares and applause, then spend the time to write them and proofread them.
-Update website, to make sure it accurately lists the services I provide, and ways for them to get in touch with me
-Create a list of 200-400 prospects by getting the correct co tact at a company, then name, email, website.
-Pitch 5 of them each day for a month with a witty, lever, creatively written pitch that tells them everything about me, what I provide, and how I can help them
-Pray at least a few of them reach out to me
-While I wait for responses, troll the job boards and do the same pitch type thing for them.
-Pray they respond to and choose me and not the other person
-If I get any responses; create the content for the client
-Get paid
-Go back to marketing myself, and make sure I don’t slack on that.
God thinking about it stresses me out. But I must do it.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #12: Money
I’ve been through a lot of disappointment in my short life on this planet.
My parents, let me down by not teaching me proper financial management.
I let myself down by choosing to play and have fun instead of hustling my arse or applying to work.
Society let me down by filling our heads with lies about why we should go to college, and go into debt, to compete for jobs that are vanishing.
The universe, let me down, by refusing to give me opportunities right then when I wanted them instead of 2 weeks from then when the situation has gotten worse.
I am supposed to be living life, instead of waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for opportunities.
Life can suck.
My parents, let me down by not teaching me proper financial management.
I let myself down by choosing to play and have fun instead of hustling my arse or applying to work.
Society let me down by filling our heads with lies about why we should go to college, and go into debt, to compete for jobs that are vanishing.
The universe, let me down, by refusing to give me opportunities right then when I wanted them instead of 2 weeks from then when the situation has gotten worse.
I am supposed to be living life, instead of waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for opportunities.
Life can suck.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #13: Money
I’m thinking that I can’t really do any of this writing stuff.
What if they’ve been telling me crap the entire time? “make a good income from writing”, what if it honestly isn’t true?
What if I’m still just going to be stuck here, day after day, slowly going nuts?
I don’t know honestly if I can hack it as a writer. I mean, I have some good ideas and all, but there’s like a zillion other writers out there, 99% of which are more interesting or better at writing than me.
I don’t even know if I’ll be able to hack it at writing articles, period, before I burn out. I enjoy writing for clients, and I don’t know if I even should attempt to make a living at it.
If I fail, I fail, I guess.
What if they’ve been telling me crap the entire time? “make a good income from writing”, what if it honestly isn’t true?
What if I’m still just going to be stuck here, day after day, slowly going nuts?
I don’t know honestly if I can hack it as a writer. I mean, I have some good ideas and all, but there’s like a zillion other writers out there, 99% of which are more interesting or better at writing than me.
I don’t even know if I’ll be able to hack it at writing articles, period, before I burn out. I enjoy writing for clients, and I don’t know if I even should attempt to make a living at it.
If I fail, I fail, I guess.
Friday, January 19, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #14: Money
I worry so much about my futute it is like a constant stomachache. I worry I am too old for this, or that I’ve wasted my life. I worry that I can’t do it. What if I can’t? What if I do fail, and fail so utterly that I can’t do it again? I’ve only been wanting to start my own business and earn money for years now. I can’t live with myself if I fail hard. I can’t, I won’t. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if I fail. I won’t be able to live with myself, life will just suck. There are people out there who do make a living out of this, what do I do if I don’t? I don’t know. Incan’t even imagine what I’m going to do. I just....I don’t know!
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Guidance Scale Workh #15: Money
Who the fuck do I blame the most?
-Me, for being a lazy piece of shit. If I wanted something, I would completely go for it and want it the most out of anything. Not this half assed “oh yes sort of motivated, hmmm, it’s been 2 weeks and I can’t do it anymore” BULLSHIT that’s been keeping me stuck the fuck I am for over a DECADE while my life and beauty are wasted.
-My parents, for their complete irresponsibility with money. They wasted it on fancy shit, fancy education, fancy clothes, fancy car and then when shit finally caught up with them, they decided they wouldn’t do anything about it, Lazy, lazy, LAZY for their MLM bullshit too. The’re too stupid to earn at a real job.
Oh, and, this bullshit of forcing me to get a college education because “whoo good job yaaay”? Utter bullshit too.
-Society, for the good jobs with college education bullshit, and pushing being rich is easy into all our faces. NO it isn’t, stop lying to us you fuckers. I’m sick of you. I am SICK of you! Enough! Fuckers!
But totally, I am the worst fucking person alive, for not being motivated enough, for being mentally ill, for believing all these lies and shit I’ve been fed. I hate myself, I hate m parents, I hate what I’ve become, and I don’t see a way out.
-Me, for being a lazy piece of shit. If I wanted something, I would completely go for it and want it the most out of anything. Not this half assed “oh yes sort of motivated, hmmm, it’s been 2 weeks and I can’t do it anymore” BULLSHIT that’s been keeping me stuck the fuck I am for over a DECADE while my life and beauty are wasted.
-My parents, for their complete irresponsibility with money. They wasted it on fancy shit, fancy education, fancy clothes, fancy car and then when shit finally caught up with them, they decided they wouldn’t do anything about it, Lazy, lazy, LAZY for their MLM bullshit too. The’re too stupid to earn at a real job.
Oh, and, this bullshit of forcing me to get a college education because “whoo good job yaaay”? Utter bullshit too.
-Society, for the good jobs with college education bullshit, and pushing being rich is easy into all our faces. NO it isn’t, stop lying to us you fuckers. I’m sick of you. I am SICK of you! Enough! Fuckers!
But totally, I am the worst fucking person alive, for not being motivated enough, for being mentally ill, for believing all these lies and shit I’ve been fed. I hate myself, I hate m parents, I hate what I’ve become, and I don’t see a way out.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #16: Money
I try, and I try, and I try again but it seems no matter what I do or how I do, nothing happens, and nothing changes. I don’t know what to do or how to do it, and in the cases where I do know what to do, I’m too lazy to fix it. Maybe I just can’t fix it, and all of this law of attraction bullshit, is bullshit. It won’t work for me, because I’m not powerful enough, or I don’t want stuff enough. It sucks. I can’t deal with that thought of failure. Failure means finality, that I fail once and I just can’t do it again.
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #17: Money
You know what really pisses me off? Having to hunt for money. Having to work for it. Money just can’t fall into my lap, like with the rich. They have their investments and shit, that pretty much automagically generate money, just for them. Guess what? I don’t because I’m too poor for that shit. It sucks so much. I don’t understand why I can’t have that either. Because, it’s stupid, and it sucks, and it’s a fucking pain.
Monday, January 15, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #18: Money
Fuck it! I won’t participate in this bullshit anymore! I’m going to livevoff the government and be in poverty! Fuck you money, and fuck you people who want me to slave like an asshole for it. I won’t bother wishing for it. I won’t bother looking for jobs. I won’t do it, you can’t make me. You WON’T make me, because fuck you all!
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #19: Money
Those motherfuckers with their fucking perfect lives and unlimited fucking wealth make me fucking sick. Here they are, they tell us what to fucking do, when we don’t have fucking two pennies to rub together, they tell us to give up shit that makes our lives that much easier or fun. People who go out and have those Starbucks lates like once a week “ooooh give up those $8 latte things and save a big $416 a year!” NO. You know what? Fuck you asshole. I bet you’ve never known what it is to starve in the streets. I bet you never known what it’s like to never have enough. You fucking assbag gurus and your fucking money advice can go fuck yourselves. I mean it.
I hate being told what to do with my money. If I want to get advice, I’ll get advice.
Hey you know fucking what? I hate money itself. I hate how you have to grub to earn it. I hate that it’s always stolen away. I hate that you can’t get enough of it. I hate how you can’t live without it.
And if I don’t do anything? Guess what? I starve and feel like shit. Fucking Christ that sucks.
I hate being told what to do with my money. If I want to get advice, I’ll get advice.
Hey you know fucking what? I hate money itself. I hate how you have to grub to earn it. I hate that it’s always stolen away. I hate that you can’t get enough of it. I hate how you can’t live without it.
And if I don’t do anything? Guess what? I starve and feel like shit. Fucking Christ that sucks.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #20: Money
I really hate how some folks have everything, while I sit here and rot. They have the gorgeous cars, the sunglasses, the yachts, the beach houses in Monte Carlo or wherever, while us idiots struggle to put anything together. I want it, don’t get it, the Universe keeps it away from me. Well, whatever.
Most rich people are stuck up snobby bitches anyway. They don’t know how the real wold works, snd if they did, they wouldn’t give a sweet shit anyway. It’s all about them and how rich they are and how much they flaunt it to make us poor peons down here feel even worse. “Hahahahahaha look how riiiiiich we are, neener neener bitches!” Stupid rich assholes with fancy jewels and fancy yachts and fancy parties that we don’t get because we’re too stupid to get them. Boo frickedy hoo to us poor bitches. It’s us vs them. And I hate how this country is going to the dogs because of them, their greed and their insatiable desire for more, more and fucking more. Does it matter people are struggling and starving and literally dying every day because they don’t get enough to eat? Pffff nah. Let them eat cake!
Most rich people are stuck up snobby bitches anyway. They don’t know how the real wold works, snd if they did, they wouldn’t give a sweet shit anyway. It’s all about them and how rich they are and how much they flaunt it to make us poor peons down here feel even worse. “Hahahahahaha look how riiiiiich we are, neener neener bitches!” Stupid rich assholes with fancy jewels and fancy yachts and fancy parties that we don’t get because we’re too stupid to get them. Boo frickedy hoo to us poor bitches. It’s us vs them. And I hate how this country is going to the dogs because of them, their greed and their insatiable desire for more, more and fucking more. Does it matter people are struggling and starving and literally dying every day because they don’t get enough to eat? Pffff nah. Let them eat cake!
Friday, January 12, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #21: Money
Money guilt.
Well yeah I feel guilty as fuck when I overspend money, especially on food. Fat slug like me, I shouldn’t even be having food. I feel like shit when I spend too much, because money is precious and there’s only so much of it to go around. It keepa being stolen away from me, just because. The universe is cruel and capricious, and it makes 110% sure I don’t go above my rightful place. Where is my rightful place? Down with the slugs. I’m almost 30 fucking years old and I still am at home with mumma and dadda, like a tiny little baby idiot kid.
*
I can’t seem to get myself out of discouragement today, even if the topic for today is guilt. Maybe later today if I feel guilty, I’ll work on it? I had no problems feeling that money guilt yesterday when I finished writhing this, but today, it’s hard to access.
Well yeah I feel guilty as fuck when I overspend money, especially on food. Fat slug like me, I shouldn’t even be having food. I feel like shit when I spend too much, because money is precious and there’s only so much of it to go around. It keepa being stolen away from me, just because. The universe is cruel and capricious, and it makes 110% sure I don’t go above my rightful place. Where is my rightful place? Down with the slugs. I’m almost 30 fucking years old and I still am at home with mumma and dadda, like a tiny little baby idiot kid.
*
I can’t seem to get myself out of discouragement today, even if the topic for today is guilt. Maybe later today if I feel guilty, I’ll work on it? I had no problems feeling that money guilt yesterday when I finished writhing this, but today, it’s hard to access.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Guidance Scale Work #22: Money
Inspired by this process: http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?1957-My-Process-of-Manifesting-Money-(and-Other-Things-Too), where he used the EGS once a day to boost himself up on certain topics, I figured I would do the same. Here is the guidance scale for quick reference: http://www.beinginthenow.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/abraham-hicks-emotional-guidance-scale.jpg
*
I feel powerless as fuck about money too. See, I just lost my job. Or well I shouldn’t say I lost my job, more like my job was stolen the fuck away. Isn’t that how it always is? I get hapy about having a job, or money, or any amount of anything good and then BANG CRACK the universe feels fit to steal it away from me. I’m wracked with student loan debt up to my fucking eyeballs, and I am stull at home with mumma and dadda like some wee little shit kid. I hate it here. I’m not respected for who I am as a person and I feel trapped as fuck. I want to be able to get out but phah fuck you Myriam the Universe is keeping the life you want away from you. Of course. Be ause it’s cold and cruel and capricious and it hates you. It hates you, specifcally. Not anyone else, no, they can get what they want. But you? You’re special. Life is how it is and it won’t change, while you grow old waiting for something and it will never ever come.
*
Having more money than mum and dad makes me feel guilty.
*
I feel powerless as fuck about money too. See, I just lost my job. Or well I shouldn’t say I lost my job, more like my job was stolen the fuck away. Isn’t that how it always is? I get hapy about having a job, or money, or any amount of anything good and then BANG CRACK the universe feels fit to steal it away from me. I’m wracked with student loan debt up to my fucking eyeballs, and I am stull at home with mumma and dadda like some wee little shit kid. I hate it here. I’m not respected for who I am as a person and I feel trapped as fuck. I want to be able to get out but phah fuck you Myriam the Universe is keeping the life you want away from you. Of course. Be ause it’s cold and cruel and capricious and it hates you. It hates you, specifcally. Not anyone else, no, they can get what they want. But you? You’re special. Life is how it is and it won’t change, while you grow old waiting for something and it will never ever come.
*
Having more money than mum and dad makes me feel guilty.
Guidance Scale Work #22: Friendships
Inspired by this process: http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?1957-My-Process-of-Manifesting-Money-(and-Other-Things-Too), where he used the EGS once a day to boost himself up on certain topics, I figured I would do the same. Here is the guidance scale for quick reference: http://www.beinginthenow.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/abraham-hicks-emotional-guidance-scale.jpg
*
I feel powerless as fuck at the moment. Nothing I do is working, at all. I’ve begged and pleaded and bargained with the gods. I’ve said mantras. I’ve burnt candles. It’s not working, he’s still not back. He will never be back. It’s over, I may as well hang it up and call it quits, and I don’t want to do that.
How much of a victim, I feel. Nothing changes, nothing will change, this is bullshit, I’,
m done. Life sucks. I did it. My friend won’t come back.
*
I feel powerless as fuck at the moment. Nothing I do is working, at all. I’ve begged and pleaded and bargained with the gods. I’ve said mantras. I’ve burnt candles. It’s not working, he’s still not back. He will never be back. It’s over, I may as well hang it up and call it quits, and I don’t want to do that.
How much of a victim, I feel. Nothing changes, nothing will change, this is bullshit, I’,
m done. Life sucks. I did it. My friend won’t come back.
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